I'm amazed by the wide range of emotions my son can produce in me. But, the vast majority of them are abundant joy & overwhelming love.
Last sunday, during worship, it took everything within me to stay put & not run to the nursery to hold my son. No particular reason, I just had an overwhelming urge to hug & love on him.
Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is how my heavenly Father feels about me!!!! Yes, I disappoint Him at times, and He has many reasons to get annoyed with me, but He has an overwhelming desire to hold me close, breathe my baby smell, and never let me go. What an incredible feeling!
Ever since my son was born (6 months ago), I've longed to be a child again. Does that sound odd to anyone else? He is just so innocent and precious, so trusting & loving, so squish-able & squeeze-able. I miss the days when my daddy took care of my skinned knee, & my mom was in charge of everyone's happiness. There is something grand about letting someone else pick out what clothes you will be wearing tomorrow :)
Currently, I'm seeking God- and begging Him for a child-like heart. A heart that gets excited when His presence comes near. I want to wave my arms & kick my legs like my hyper 6 month old does when I come into his line of vision.
As I type this, there is a family (one of many) going through heartbreak. The gut-wrenching heartbreak of losing a child. When I heard about this family (a patient of mine), my heart broke in 2, and it was all I could to keep from bursting in tears. I came home & told my husband, and said, "even the Christian in me wants to ask 'Why God?'" He very gently reminded me that it's not our place to question God. I know what he means, and I agree. Yet, I think God does want us to ask Him "why". I think He wants us to search Him out, in order to know Him better.
I don't know that I'll get the answer to why this wonderful family has to endure this unthinkable heartache anytime soon, but I do know that my God will be near to them, for I have begged Him to do so.
I've made a very conscience decision to hold my sweet, snuggly son a little bit tighter, a little bit longer tonight. I'm not going to complain if he wakes up multiple times during the night, for those are just more precious, innocent memories spent with him. If he wakes up earlier than we are ready to get up this weekend, I will have no qualms about bringing him into bed with us. I crave more stolen moments with him, just as my Father does with me.
Below is a song that the country band "Lonestar" sings
"Let Them Be Little"
You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.
How it amazes me you're changin' with every blink.
Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.
So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give 'em hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.
I never felt so much in one little tender touch.
I live for those kisses, your prayers an' your wishes.
An' now you're teachin' me how only a child can see.
Tonight, while we're on our knees, all I ask is:
Please, let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.
The so innocent, precious soul:
You turn around, an' it's time to let them go.
So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give 'em praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let them sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.
Let them be little.
(Richie McDonald/Billy Dean)
